Why I don't do conventions naked

I wrote an article recently about cartoonists reading and performing, and made a reference in passing that while most people have stage fright, I have just the opposite feeling. Individual conversation gives me anxiety but I have no fear of talking in front of a mass audience. I mentioned in one sentence that I have no fear of being seen naked. I am by no means an exhibitionist. It's not as if I'm a crazy, unpredictable loose cannon that will do anything for a laugh. There are plenty of things I'd be embarrassed to do. It's only that I don't care what complete strangers think. It's not as if I'd go around exposing myself, but if somebody were to walk in on me in the bathroom or catch me dressing, if I cover myself up it would be out of respect, not embarrassment. It's not as if I have body parts nobody would expect me to have (I don't think). This all comes back to a throwaway line I made in an essay. After I wrote that, somebody said I should be nude at my next convention appearance. Sorry, I will have to kindly decline and here's why:

1) I want to be known for my work. If I were to do it, people would know me as “the guy who appeared naked in public” when I'd rather be “the guy who drew a funny comic”. I've written things on internet message boards, had letters printed, and unintentionally harmed others to my regret, and it's taken me years to overcome people meeting me and saying, “Oh you're the one who...”. I worked on the most famous TV cartoon ever and all some people know about me is those other things.

2) What if I get a hard-on? I know I said I have no shame and it's not as if there's something about me nobody knows exists. Everybody's private parts become engorged, so it would only make sense mine do too. I know that if I were to appear naked, even people with no sexual attraction to me (i.e. 99.9999999% of the world) would try to provoke me, and I don't even know myself what might set me off. Could be something I'd be ashamed of. Could be something innocuous like a soda can. If it were an animal, people would talk.

3) I don't need to do stunts for publicity. I've seen plenty of people do distracting things at conventions to make up for mediocre work. From giving away candy to shouting at passersby. (Sorry if you're one of them. Don't do that.) That's just not my thing. Back to point number 1 again.

4) It's too fucking cold without clothes. There's a reason besides modesty and appearance that people wear clothing.

5) Management wouldn't like it. The next convention I'm doing is in a church, and just because I'm an atheist doesn't mean I want to make Jesus cry. It's also where the mob goes for service and I wouldn't want them to “make me disappear.”

6) You're a pervert. There's something wrong with you if you just want to see me naked out of curiosity. I might make an exception if you ask me very nicely, though, and if it were an incentive to buy something from me.

7) I've written and posted things while naked before. Doesn't that count?

King Leonardo, 3 of 4

Here's more of the comic I started posting last week. I should have mentioned before the proper name for the show is King Leonardo and His Short Subjects.









This was the credits to the show. There's plenty of videos of the supporting characters, but this is all I could find with the main one:


This has nothing to do with anything and it's not something I'd normally show, except it's what I came across while looking for King Leonardo. I'm only showing this because it was entitled King Leonardo. It seems people can only get their pornography past the YouTube censors by naming it something else, and I'm just amused by the idea. (NSFW)


THE LAST STORY THIS THURSDAY

CRAZY #3, 2 of 5

This was meant as a daily strip and never saw the light of day until this. Another clue this was done many years earlier is that MAD contributors weren't allowed to also work for the competition...
...so they got someone to draw just like Mort Drucker for the new material.

ESCAPADE, March 1956, part 2

Here's the rest of the cartoons that were in that March 1956 issue of ESCAPADE.

ESCAPADE, March 1956

It's weird how some of the best cartoons come from dirty magazines. That is, when dirty magazines still had the pretense of being general interest magazines that happen to have nudes. Back when the cliche "I read it for the articles" actually applied. These are all from the March 1963 issue of ESCAPADE.




I believe this is the Morrie Turner of 'Wee Pals' fame.




It doesn't go beyond E.

1994

Not a humor magazine but I thought I'd at least mention it.

I'd been wanting to see an issue for a long time after hearing about its sleazy reputation. I never saw an issue except for the covers and didn't notice it when it came out. Once I got one, it lived up to the hype.

1994(originally titled 1984, but changed because that year was coming up and to not be confused with Orwell's novel) was created to compete with HEAVY METAL, and made it look classy by comparison. It came from Warren Publications, publishers of CREEPY and VAMPIRELLA. Those magazines were pretty lurid, but 1984/94 takes that and multiplies it. Richard Corben was actually one of their more innocuous contributors. It seems to make all kinds of things look respectable by comparison. It was kind of a combination of CREEPY and HUSTLER.

HUSTLER can at least be jerked off to. I don't know if this was meant to titillate or the authors thought this was the pinnacle of “adult illustrated fantasy”. Everybody has some story about telling a relative you read adult comics, and they automatically think you mean porn despite your defense to the contrary. This is what they think you read.

There was apparently just as much sleaze in the making of the comic. Some writers claimed their scripts were dirtied up so they resorted to using pseudonyms. Wally Wood had some strips rejected by the publisher a few years earlier that were rewritten by the editors to be more misogynous and used here but gave him full credit. Harlan Ellison sued the company for plagiarism, bankrupting Warren Publications.

Most of the science fiction was of the “Give me another space beer, Gleep Glop” kind with aliens that looked pretty much like humans and spoke English. There were a lot of stories about getting laid in space. This is typical of one of their stories.